Art: a James McQueen piece that says, “It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.” It’s in our bathroom.

Perfume for the wife, and the Jaguars. They were always secondhand. I have had every kind except the E-Type.

I take my family on holiday. We went to Egypt just after Christmas. Golly, it’s expensive.

A family holiday – anywhere the kids demand. Last year, I wanted us all to go to Egypt and my daughter said, “No, we’re going to go to Grenada.” So we did.

Selfishness and cruelty.

The Fake Sheikh did a sting on me once and the News of the World headline was “Craig Charles is an evil drug-pushing monster”. That wasn’t good on the school run, I’ll tell you that.

Cowardice. There are so many issues that I would like to express opinions about but I’m too scared to stick my head above the parapet because of the social media pile-on.

Filming a TV show in a field in the snow in February in the Dublin hills for 14 hours; the director said, “We’re not going to get that shot today.”

Love makes me feel sick. I get sick with worry about my kids. It keeps me up at night.

To my parents for all the mess-ups. There have been times when I’ve been going through something and I’ve thought, God, I’m so glad my mum and dad are dead, because they don’t have to go through it with me.