I’m like a teenager in that I always leave a trail of stuff behind me, whether it’s empty teacups or records not put back in their sleeves – just stuff in piles everywhere that never gets dealt with. So I reckon I’d have a massive tidy-up. I’d do all the DIY stuff that I’ve been promising to do for the last couple of years – I’d put the shelf back up in the bedroom, fill the hole in the wall in the landing, and I might mow the lawn if the weather’s alright… Basically all the stuff that annoys my wife I’d deal with, so I can make sure my legacy wasn’t a load of mess and unfinished jobs. Oh, and I’d take some prawns out of the freezer as well.

I would need a terrible lot of cash because I’d have to go and give all the tramps that come off the beach and the homeless, leave lots of cash bundles because they sleep in the doorways, it’s terribly sad. Then I’ll rush home and tidy everything up and throw away all my old clothes and old shoes and take them down to the charity shop. It’s going to be very satisfying.

It will be a challenge to convince the pilot to make the trip, but certainly not impossible. We can make it from Kentucky to Washington state easily, and gain three hours in the time change. I’ll bring a few people, like my woman for loving, my friends for other companionships, my poor ma, and some kids for the learning experience along on the flight, and then tuck them all in safely in a motel once we have landed.

I’d have all my friends there, of course, with a whole load of guitars and drums and just making as much noise and causing as much trouble as we can. Lots of people sitting around, playing guitar, bottles of wine; lots of fun to be had.