I spend most money on my garden.

Ten years ago I bought a painting. I lived with it for a year before realising I didn’t like it at all. So it’s on my wall, mocking me daily.

Holidays. For years, I would book a big house in Britain for a week for the entire family. There would be 14 of us. I don’t regret a penny.

A garden chair from the Chelsea flower show. It was almost the price of a small crappy car.

As having done my best.

How about The Hokey Cokey? That’s always fun, especially if they’re carrying the coffin.

Any fashion designer whose clothes on me must have made them weep.

Working on an assembly line in a plastics factory.

I’ve had a surprising number of near-death experiences: I was nearly blown up by a landmine in Sudan; I was stranded on the Zambezi river at night; I was bucked off a rodeo horse in Arizona and had to be airlifted to hospital; and, worst of all, I once ate a Pot Noodle.

When I read the story of a blind, bisexual goose called Thomas who had died in New Zealand after a lifetime of love for a swan called Henry. It sounds ridiculous but is entirely true.