I’d have made more of my education.

I should have known that I might not like what my brain scan showed, just as I should have known that the symptoms of prostatism that were increasingly bothering me were just as likely to be caused by cancer as by the benign prostatic enlargement that happens in most men as they age. But I continued to think that illness happened to patients and not to doctors, even though I was now retired. Twenty months after I had my brain scanned, I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. I had had typical symptoms for years, steadily getting worse, but it took me a long time before I could bring myself to ask for help. I thought I was being stoical when in reality I was being a coward. I simply couldn’t believe the diagnosis at first, so deeply ingrained was my denial.

The loss of Conrad.

I would have taken more drugs.

A headmaster said I was a complete washout and I would never be any good for anything.

Kind, insubstantial and dedicated.

As someone who added to a situation rather than took away from it.

The best possible understanding of who they are and where they came from.

When I was drinking, there were many times when I was out for the night and didn’t come back for a week.

In 1992 I was in New York, and somebody showed me a work by Louise Bourgeois. I never realised that sculpture could move me, and I was so affected by this piece that I bought it. It was a lot of money.