I’ve been through a lot of grief in my life and there are intimate moments where you need to bawl your eyes out. As the dead person, I want to say: this is a moment you cannot control, life goes to shit sometimes. So I would choose Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin; some things you can’t change.

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, by Roberta Flack.

Jump Around by House Of Pain, and Pull Up To The Bumper by Grace Jones: stuff people could dance to.

The Importance Of Being Idle by Oasis. I’m in the video, which is basically my own funeral, so it’d be nice and macabre.

I only ever wanted to be an actor or a rock star. I was suspended from school in the sixth form and allowed back only when I promised to join the army. But I lied.

My granddaughter is only one, but she gives the best hugs. That’s when I’m happiest at the moment.

I practise stoicism. Not the stiff-upper-lip, modern stuff, but the ancient Greek philosophy. You have to accept what you can’t change. I try to face forwards all the time. When that doesn’t work, I think about buying a machine gun.

I worked in the largest pork pie factory in Europe. I had a plastic mushroom-shaped thing and had to tamp down the meat into the pie base. It was a conveyor belt of pies from nine to five. The worst thing was the crackly AM radio, which was played loudly through the tinny tannoy system. I still can’t listen to I’m Not In Love by 10cc without thinking of raw minced pork.

I hit a bit of lumpy tarmac driving my motorbike over the Pyrenees in the early 1980s. There was no safety barrier and I found myself riding along the edge of a precipice on half the width of the tyres for 100 yards.

Not doing Top Of The Pops when The Young Ones’ single went to number one.