Katy Perry. I hired a Russell Brand lookalike as a joke for the radio, and she thought it was actually him. When she realised it wasn’t, she burst into tears. She was still married to him, but I didn’t take into account that there were things going on that we didn’t know.

Lots of people, mainly for being so absent from their lives while I was concentrating on sport. I’d also like to say sorry to my dad’s mum, because, aged four, I told her she was the worst cook in the world.

The trans community because I didn’t use the correct words, but I’ve learned from my mistake.

I feel I have made amends, so I don’t feel that anyone is owed an apology but, if they read this and they think they are, do drop me a line.

Adolescent love feels like exquisite self-indulgence. Long-term love feels like a warm bath that needs a trickle of extra hot water every now and then.

No songs, please. Don’t make a fuss.

An actor. Then I grew out of that and became one by default. Or sort of one: “Not really an actor”, said Michael Billington.

The next morning. It rarely turns out as bad as I think it’s going to be.

I’ll be at my happiest today, and probably my gloomiest at some point today, too.

As a charming, helpful, solicitous, generous, loving, carefree and constantly funny companion, lover and father. Some hope of that.