Nikki Amuka-Bird: What is the harshest thing anyone has said to you?

The question

What is the harshest thing anyone has said to you?

Originally asked

The Guardian, to a different person each week, The Q&A

A fixed Guardian Q&A prompt asked directly across respondents and years.

You answer as yourself. Nobody on FLAPSS answers as anybody else.

Recorded said elsewhere, not written here

In a rehearsal just after graduating from drama college, I say my lines to an older actor. He pauses, turns to the director and says: “I’m sorry, but is she going to do it like that?”

The Q&A, The Guardian, 3 May 2025 source ↗

Others on this question

View all 122 →

Peter Sarsgaard

When I was first acting, in college, a relative came and saw me in Hedda Gabler and she said: “Look in the mirror, you’re not an actor. An actor looks like Mel Gibson.”

Recorded The Q&A, The Guardian, 24 February 2024 source ↗

Ben Okri

“You don’t stand a chance of succeeding as a writer in this country. The demographics are against you.” They were wrong. The only demographic that counts is the human heart.

Recorded The Q&A, The Guardian, 11 July 2026 source ↗

Kevin Rowland British singer

My dad said, “You’re going nowhere.” I was seven or eight.

Recorded The Guardian, The Q&A, The Guardian, 9 August 2025 source ↗

Chris McCausland

I was thrown out of a club by bouncers when I walked into somebody and told them that I was registered blind. They said: “Don’t give a fuck – you don’t belong in here.” As a straight white man, it gives you a taste of what other people have to contend with.

Recorded The Q&A, The Guardian, 15 November 2025 source ↗