I’m very much like Hans, yes! I think part of the reason is just because I learned from Hans, he has been a big mentor and a great friend for me, and I remember when he told me this, it actually made me feel comfortable in my process! We’re the same way, and so that actually made me relax a bit. Once I realized that, it helped me to see that the steps I need to take, you know, sitting down, thinking about what were my initial ideas? What instrumentation do I need? You just place yourself into the project and the ideas will hopefully come. Sometimes it comes easier than other times, sometimes it’s tough especially when a deadline is looming… But that’s the nature of the game. I just try to do the best I can do in the moment.

Then I had another thought: Physics disgusts me a little bit now, but I used to enjoy doing physics.  Why did I enjoy it?  I used to play with it.  I used to do whatever I felt like doing—it didn’t have to do with whether it was important for the development of nuclear physics, but whether it was interesting and amusing for me to play with.

It’s a funny contradiction because when we started playing instruments as kids, the thing we didn’t want to do was jam. We wanted to have an idea. We wanted structure. Jamming was like this way of sharing the spotlight, where everyone got their own solo, every individual got their own moment to shine. When we were growing up, that’s how we thought of it. Eventually we embraced this more freeform approach. I wouldn’t call it jamming, but maybe it’s more about exploring.

When I’m writing a book, I start gathering material for years before I start writing it. I will find newspaper clippings, overheard dialogue, images that come to my head, sort of vague scenes from a plot, and I just make a huge, messy list of those things. I’m doing that for the next book, and I’ve been doing it for a long time, and I’m still not even close to being ready to start. Maybe in the fall I’ll start it, but I’m not on the cusp of starting it really. I’m just gathering that raw material. And what deserves to go in that document? It’s hard to say, but I know that things come together. I know that this article about Chinese surveillance definitely belongs in the same place with my son telling me about this dream he had. These are somehow connected. I have no idea how, but it’s just a feeling that I have, like an instinct. The Need and The Beautiful Bureaucrat very much began that way.

My fear, my anxiety, that I’m grappling with in this film, is that if we’re not able to struggle with the domestic things

I need to know what my editing voice is

Most of what I do is just managing feelings, emotions, and thoughts

I’d have lesser expectations — those expectations not being as great might actually be more effective

really watching a lot of work. Also finding the right people to associate with and learn from in terms of work.

I tried to get funding to shoot this film and couldn’t—nobody wanted to touch it, you know?