I’ve never seen Star Wars (I know!) and on my first day of a recent job, I’m sitting next to this very friendly actor. I ask if he has much experience with motion capture. He says, “Yes.” I say “Oh great! What have you worked on?” He says, “I’m Mark Hamill.”

Giving a speech in high school at a pep rally that wasn’t going so well and the dean unplugged the mic. Apparently, I was rambling and the spirit of the cafeteria was being weighed down.

An earthquake in Peru forced me and a young man into the street, where he had to introduce me to his family at three in the morning.

Gloria Hunniford’s wedding at Hever Castle 20-odd years ago. We had a lovely buffet and a few drinks and then I had to get a cab back to the train station. I said to the driver: “I’m ever so sorry, but I’m not going to be able to hang on till I get to the train. Could you possibly take me down this alleyway?” He said: “Yes, of course.” As I prepared myself to go “to the ladies”, this police car came along and the policeman said: “Hi-de-Hi!”

Two sturdy teeth.

I’m actually looking forward to getting older.

I always thought I would be a terrible driver because I’m sort of a wafty person, but it turns out I am very good at staying in between the lines. I passed my test last year.

People give me a hard time about my hats. Over Christmas, this drunk woman shouted something about me having a shit hat because I had a red beanie on. Last week at a party, someone gave me a hard time for wearing a cap. I just think about melting ice caps when this happens.

Completely nuts.

A visual artist.