When I was losing my sight, I couldn’t see where I was going, and I went into an undertaker’s thinking it was a barber’s. I asked the undertaker whether he had many waiting.

Being misrepresented by a Sun journalist 12 years ago.

Signing away the rights to my life story to a major motion-picture company for a sum that I have since been told was way below the market rate.

Gloria Hunniford’s wedding at Hever Castle 20-odd years ago. We had a lovely buffet and a few drinks and then I had to get a cab back to the train station. I said to the driver: “I’m ever so sorry, but I’m not going to be able to hang on till I get to the train. Could you possibly take me down this alleyway?” He said: “Yes, of course.” As I prepared myself to go “to the ladies”, this police car came along and the policeman said: “Hi-de-Hi!”

Younger people being amazed that I know what song they’re listening to.

Should talk less.

When I had cancer. I was having a shave and thought: “Are you meant to have a big hard lump on one side of your neck?”

At 16, I thought I’d be part of transforming the world into a socialist egalitarian arena of peace and justice. I’m not sure we’ve quite managed it.

Through a series of mistakes in write-ups, I’d like to be remembered for something like being Britain’s finest downhill skier or inventing pickled onions.

I’m so tempted to answer serial killer.