When I was 19 I worked at a gay bar while I was at drama school in London. One of the guys I worked with was Glaswegian and I learned the dialect from him. The acting teacher at the school said, “Liev, you’ve got the region but you’ve missed the character entirely” because I played Jimmy Boyle in a very camp Glaswegian accent.

At the TV Baftas last year I was wearing these heels that had stiff bows on the front. One heel locked into the other bow and I went arse over tit.

I’m president of my neighbourhood association. At my first meeting there was a discussion about developments the association should oppose. I said: “Nothing could be as bad as that horrible new house next to the church.” “I designed that,” the chairman replied. I shut up.

The Fake Sheikh did a sting on me once and the News of the World headline was “Craig Charles is an evil drug-pushing monster”. That wasn’t good on the school run, I’ll tell you that.

Professionally, becoming a relative success in a job that I love; and personally, helping to raise two wonderful children.

Working in a very busy bar in the West End when I was trying to pay my way through drama school. I had to dance in a cage in a vest and cycling shorts to Venus by Bananarama, Greased Lightnin’ and Y.M.C.A. every night. It was excruciating.

Live in the moment. Enjoy life because time cruelly speeds up as you get older and becomes scarily finite.

Outliving my kids – and rats.

After the birth of both my children, although Manchester United winning the treble in 1999 came pretty close.

Arrogance, bullying, meanness – just try to be kind, it’s not difficult.