Lee Warburton. He had just left drama school and was doing the Alexander technique in the Corrie green room. I hadn’t been to drama school, and really took the piss out of him.

My first girlfriend when I left drama school. I was a bit of tart.

I didn’t learn to be intimate with people until I was in my 20s, so I was a very bad friend in my teens. There was a girl I was best friends with at college; I always used to kiss the boys she liked. I’d like to apologise to her.

To my dad for not making it back to Birmingham to see him while I was in London doing The Streets.

Selfishness and cruelty.

Cowardice. There are so many issues that I would like to express opinions about but I’m too scared to stick my head above the parapet because of the social media pile-on.

Losing my marbles.

The Fake Sheikh did a sting on me once and the News of the World headline was “Craig Charles is an evil drug-pushing monster”. That wasn’t good on the school run, I’ll tell you that.

A Rolls-Royce. I met my wife, Jackie, when I was filming a Lynda La Plante drama called The Governor. I fell in love with her instantly and I was bullshitting that I had a Rolls-Royce. When I finished filming, she decided to leave her country and come and live with me in London. On the way to the airport, I phoned my PA and said, “Go and buy a Rolls-Royce.”

Love makes me feel sick. I get sick with worry about my kids. It keeps me up at night.