When my daughter and my stepdaughters were feeling unhappy, we used to pretend to unlock something in their heart and then pour golden liquid into them, and it always warmed them. For me, that’s what love feels like – a warm feeling inside.

Like getting out of the right side of the bed every morning, even when you don’t.

Safety or alarm, I can never decide which.

Like everything is in high definition, and life is on your side.

Romantic love – what a con. (I do still believe in it.)

I had no female role models growing up. I lived an incredibly sheltered life: there was no TV at home and we had no visitors. It wasn’t until rock and pop came into my life that I concocted myself as a role model.

I wish I’d told my mother that, in all the years I knew her, she was never once boring. We weren’t demonstrative, so that would have meant that I loved her.

The moment my daughter was born in 1999, because it took me seven years to conceive.

I am going straight to cremation like David Bowie, so there would be no funeral.

In my first job in film, a giant bloke dressed like a sumo wrestler asked me to get his G-string out of his arse. He said he couldn’t reach it.