So it seems to be my responsibility, particularly to my children, also to my wife and friends, is not to be Pollyanna and pretend everything's okay no one would take me seriously if I said that but it's to be as present in their lives now as I can be so that in years to come, they don't feel either guilty or bad at my having been left out of their lives, that they feel still a very strong not a memory of particular actions but a memory of a complete family rather than a broken one. That seems to be something I can do or try to do.
Recorded
Terry Gross, Fresh Air, NPR, 29 March 2010
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So maybe I don’t try to figure it out. Maybe I just aim to get the couch right: strong bones, high-quality leather, something earthy and animal and real. A surface that knows something of what it was to be alive, that warms to our touch and cools in our absence. Also: an expansive bench that fits all of us. Something that will hold us through everything that lies ahead — the loving, collapsing and nuzzling. The dying, the grieving.
Recorded
The New York Times, Modern Love, 23 September 2016
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I want to leave my children three foundational tools to navigate the world:
Life skills: The practical capability and independence to take care of themselves, solve everyday problems, and handle adult responsibilities with ease.
Confidence: A self-belief rooted in resilience, knowing they have worth, deserve to take up space, and can handle failure without letting it define them.
A sense of humor: The ability to find levity in life's absurdity, laugh at themselves, and keep perspective when things don't go according to plan.
If they leave home with these three things, they'll have everything they need to build a meaningful life.